Buying New Television Gifts

'In hindsight, maybe I should have went with the wide-screen TV.'

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Fishermen

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

Binge Watch

All the apps hidden within a phone

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

"He's an indoor cat."

Couch and Potato

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

"And this latest robot vacuum can fetch a glass of wine while it cleans your floors!"

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Remote control wars.