Buying New Television Pillows

'In hindsight, maybe I should have went with the wide-screen TV.'

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Fishermen

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

All the apps hidden within a phone

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

Binge Watch

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

"He's an indoor cat."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

Couch and Potato

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

"And this latest robot vacuum can fetch a glass of wine while it cleans your floors!"

"Can't stop watching. That ribbon is amaaazing..."