Televisions Pillows

'I love your new flat screen saloon.'

Focus Group in session - 1. Contrast, 2. Sharpness, 3. Vertical hold, 4. Horizontal hold.

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Showbiz Awards

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"They grow up so fast."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Television Readers.

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Horror movies

'If only every year was an election year.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.