Television Pillows

"'Jeopardy!' is on."

Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis and James Gandolfini.

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

Difference of Opinion

'Hey! Who left the television off?'

"I happen to think the blue light of the TV screen is very romantic."

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

And that's why I'm still single!

Eleven/Millie Bobby Brown (caricature)

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

Eleven/Millie Bobby Brown (caricature)

Private Eye Editor Ian Hislop

Block Closed for Gritty, Hard-Edged Tale

"Wait – how many seasons is this?"

'If reading books is so important, how come you never see people on TELEVISION doing it?'

"So. . . who'd like to have a go at defining Britishness?"

'By the way, is this off the record?'

'Please turn it down - Daddy's trying to do your homework.'

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

"This week on 'The Amazing Race to Enlightenment,' can Jim and Suzy achieve right mindfulness? And will Barb and Candy be eliminated for relentless clinging to the self?"

'Once again, you were right only fifty percent of the time. Have you considered a career as a TV weatherman?'

The News Cycle

'Please turn it down - Daddy's trying to do your homework.'

'It helps him realize I'm being serious.'

'Move! You're blocking the TV.'

"I'd appreciate it if you'd wait until school to do that. We've worked long and hard to bring you state-of-the-art home theater."

Resistance Training: 'Are you going to resist training all day?'

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

'Forensic scientists have now determined that the fall of the Roman Empire was due to an accounting error.'

"Our top story: bloody conflict, secret meeting, auto recall, drive-by shooting, more staff cuts, medical breakthrough. We'll be back as soon as we decide."

Pandemic Jeopardy

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

'Oh my God! Brace yourselves! . . . Wait - this just in: everything's fine. . . for now'

Slobbish man says to woman: 'Couch potato is a deeply offensive term - we prefer furniture-based leisure prioritizers.'

"We hope you've enjoyed the year in review!"