Tv Fan Gifts

'Please turn it down - Daddy's trying to do your homework.'

'Working from home is great! You can keep your mind occupied watching daytime TV.'

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

"No, we won't be pausing for a commercial soon, but you may go to the boys' room if you need to."

"The only thing good on TV is my drink."

"I may not know all the answers but I'm only eight seasons old!"

"Why don't you take a break, Tia Carmen? You're working way too hard."

'A gang of senior citizens was arrested today for harassing freshmen....'

'Don't ask me again! None of you can watch tv until your eyes open!'

"He pledged allegiance to television."

'He only uses it for channel surfing.'

They watch for a while, then, unlike humans, they get bored.

'I'm running away from home as soon as the next commercial comes on!'

Word Play: Anaesthetic.

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

TV Situations vacant.

Night Life: L.A.

Moses' TV guide.

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

"The X files...the tooth is out there"

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

'They had to increase security. He's being stalked by a deranged paleontologist.'

Pastor of Muppets

After traveling across the universe for thousands of years, an episode of "Leave It To Beaver" is received by an inhabitant of a distant galaxy.

"Previously on..."