Tv Shopping Fan Pillows

'Need a reliable way of trying things together? Try super straps for only $19.95.'

'Mom, did you get me at a store or was I a 'As Seen On TV' purchase?'

Dracula Shills For A TV Shopping Channel

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

I love Museum Shops

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

TV Situations vacant.

Moses' TV guide.

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

Lorne Greene

"Previously on..."

Pastor of Muppets

'They had to increase security. He's being stalked by a deranged paleontologist.'

After traveling across the universe for thousands of years, an episode of "Leave It To Beaver" is received by an inhabitant of a distant galaxy.

It's on. My new favorite game show! Welcome to: Garbage, recycling or compost?! Dana from New York you can walk away with $10,000 or try to double the green! Double, please. Okay, Dana, here's your object: A takeout container from a local restaurant. Garbage, recycling or compost? Geez. I'm guessing it would depend on whether it's got some cardboard or it's fully biodegradable. Final answer? Recycling. Wrong. Garbage! I knew it. Ridicule her! You've lost your green, loser! I'm sorry. I try so ha

Liz Hurley

Hole Sale

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

The 3 Stooges Diner. Free Pie. Hah! I know better than to fall for that!

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.

'Too much TV, maybe. Is there a John Wane marathon going on?'

"Hi, Timmy. It's Lassie. She's stuck in the well again."

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

"No, I'm not, no cellphones in high school old. I'm, I fell in love with Betty White in the Golden Girls old."

'I'd like to buy a towel.'

Nigella Lawson

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

'You've been on eBay again haven't you?'

'Willlllbur...is that you?' After low ratings, Mr Ed's contract ran out and he was canned.

I think this is the episode of "Leave It to Beaver" where Wally and Eddie chain Lumpy's car to a tree. Couldn

The Lone Ranger in the jewelry store.