Turning Senior Gifts

These retirement do's aren't as wild as I remember!

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

Pensioner's Romance

"He's dead- but that's normal for his age."

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

Man about lady in rocking chair with roll bars: 'Never too old to rock and roll.'

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

Love Fest 50th Reunion: Sewing any remaining wild oats encouraged!

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

Computer Jobs

"Last one to the top's a geriatric."

'Dang! The Hoopers have been force-feeding vitamins again.'

"Marie, are you still driving?"

"How's your memory?"

"He's not gonna lose it tonight."

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

As a louder and more satisfying alternative to clapping, Lily uses her bingo wings.

Seniors Pro (putt putt) Golf Tour.