High School Seniors Gifts

"He's not gonna lose it tonight."

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"Now the geeks hold all the power. They're the ones who know how to forge a parent's e-signature."

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

Department of Nanotechnology

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

'Why not take some time off after high school...travel a bit...get a job...make some money...pay your own way through college.'

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"How was prom?"

'The Prom Dress: One Week Later'

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"Well, team, we've been officially disqualified. You can come out of there, Tyler."

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

Next semester I have "The Frito-lay

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

Pensioner's Romance

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"No surgery. I'm just trying to hide a pimple."

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

You can tell which seniors got accepted early admission! West Fester High School.