High School Graduation Gifts

"Can we get you another soda, Johnny?"

Father gives son luggage for his 18th birthday.

"How'd you do on your test?"

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"Yep...we were going to enroll him in community college...the car was cheaper."

'Retire? What if I want to go to college if I, you know, finish high school?'

'Just because you graduate from high school next year doesn't make us lame duck parents.'

"The way I see it, high school prepares you for early adulthood, which is kind of a warm-up for your mid-life crisis, and THAT'S when you finally learn what you really should do with your life!"

High School

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"My dad's been on my case...he says I should be preparing for my future career. But what kind of training can I get here for a job that's tough, will make tons of money and highlight my incredible bod?"

"A yearbook is something you will always treasure."

"OK, I've whittled down my list. When I go to college, I'm gonna study either law, biology and engineering...or journalism, medicine, anatomy, political science, forestry, business, math..."

"How come you didn't graduate from high school."

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'Do I have to pick my major now? I'm still deciding my sexual preference.'

Car party.

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

"Dad, when I leave high school, I want to get a job and help support the family."

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

The intelligent car is just around the corner.

'In which on-line university will you enroll?'

"Well, team, we've been officially disqualified. You can come out of there, Tyler."

Here's the college for me! It's totally green. Let's see. I though you wanted warm weather. Look at the brochure. There's no snow in any of the pictures. The school is in Minnesota. Wow! Early signs of global warming. Who knew it hit college brochures first?

Test preps, PSATs, SATs, AP courses, community service, 3 sports, 2 clubs and chorus

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

Hey, Twig! Why so blue? Everyone's into awesome stuff this summer. Math camps. Leadership programs. Studies abroad. A bunch of resume padders. Yeah, They're grinds. What about you? Nothing special. Just volunteering. Where? At a rain forest project in Costa Rica. That's look so lame on your college application.

'The Prom Dress: One Week Later'

"How was prom?"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'When I grow up, I want to be a hydraulic engineer...'

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.