Becoming A Senior Gifts

"Don't worry about how you look -- it's an old mirror."

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

Pensioner's Romance

"He's dead- but that's normal for his age."

"The wattle fairy came again last night."

A man with a walking frame breaks a wheel and hitches a ride with a man on a mobility scooter.

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

Eighteenth Birthday.

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

It was the first Christmas he hadn't gotten any toys, and he realized he was now a man... he also realized sweaters are lame.

Love Fest 50th Reunion: Sewing any remaining wild oats encouraged!

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"Last one to the top's a geriatric."

'Dang! The Hoopers have been force-feeding vitamins again.'

"Marie, are you still driving?"

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"He's not gonna lose it tonight."

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"This can't be happening! I'm supposed to be a cool adult! At least I bet I have a cool car!"

"How's your memory?"