Becoming A Senior Pillows

"Don't worry about how you look -- it's an old mirror."

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

Pensioner's Romance

"He's dead- but that's normal for his age."

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

A man with a walking frame breaks a wheel and hitches a ride with a man on a mobility scooter.

"The wattle fairy came again last night."

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

Eighteenth Birthday.

Love Fest 50th Reunion: Sewing any remaining wild oats encouraged!

It was the first Christmas he hadn't gotten any toys, and he realized he was now a man... he also realized sweaters are lame.

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

"Last one to the top's a geriatric."

'Dang! The Hoopers have been force-feeding vitamins again.'

"Marie, are you still driving?"

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"This can't be happening! I'm supposed to be a cool adult! At least I bet I have a cool car!"

"He's not gonna lose it tonight."

"How's your memory?"