Seniority Milestone Pillows

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

Award Winning Gardener

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

Church Basement Foodie

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

Tenacity trumps everything!

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

Space for Lease.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"The cape comes off too."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

Medication for the elderly

'They want your underwear.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

Pensioner's Romance

"He's dead- but that's normal for his age."

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

Women

Undiagnosed middle-age-onset discomfort summer tour