Reaching Significant Age Milestone Pillows

'My gran is over eighty and not one gray hair on her head.'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Woman crying with happiness.

Church Basement Foodie

'Guess what? I won again.'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"The cape comes off too."

"It makes you look old."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

Medication for the elderly

'They want your underwear.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

Who's Dead

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

Undiagnosed middle-age-onset discomfort summer tour

Women

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'