Entering Senior Age Pillows

"I thought I'd check out dating sites for seniors. So far I've narrowed it down to either 'Carbon Dating,' or 'Best Before Date'."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

Pensioner's Romance

"He's dead- but that's normal for his age."

"The wattle fairy came again last night."

"I'm thinking of letting my bangs grow out."

"America's Funniest Colonoscopy Videos."

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

Love Fest 50th Reunion: Sewing any remaining wild oats encouraged!

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"Last one to the top's a geriatric."

'Dang! The Hoopers have been force-feeding vitamins again.'

'I'm at an age where my back 'goes out' more than I do!'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"How's your memory?"

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Medication prices for the elderly

'Don't talk to me about joint-pain...'

As a louder and more satisfying alternative to clapping, Lily uses her bingo wings.

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'

"Awww! How long have you been married?"

"Let's not make it a long engagement."