Traveling Theologian Gifts

Bible as the reading material on a plane

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

At the 2021 Religious Games

Priest

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

Hot cross buns

"Remember, it's the journey not the destination."

"Reverend, if we're born again in Jesus...do we get another belly button?"

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

Pre-nuptual Nativity

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

The Venerable Bede

"...And when the Lord finished, she rested."

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

"Wait a minute! - First you say, 'Lay up treasures in Heaven,' and then you say, 'You can't take it with you'!"

"Everyone wants to known what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."

God is a spider.

Sorry to Hear You're Leaving.