Toolbox Tyrant Pillows

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

Guide to Carpentry Fish

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

"Okay guys you have your assignments. Let's get cracking!"

Paint/Paint Remover, Glue/Glue Remover...

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

"No screen time means more scream time."

"I only need two tools: WD-40 if something doesn't move that should, and duct tape if something moves that shouldn't!"

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

Executive fitness.

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"

'No breakfast until you're finished making your bed, Joey.'

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

"It's good he has only simple tools. He usually gives up before he does much damage."

"You've given me quite a turn. . . !"

'Wow! I'm trying to fix my glasses with contact solution instead of super glue!'

Workmen Lifting.

"What a rip-off."

"Then they revoked his hunting license!"

"My solicitor tells me I have grounds for a divorce. You're a control freak."

Woman sees towels with 'Mine' on all of them

Nail and Hammer

'Don't change the channel.'

'Worst chainsaw massacre I've ever seen.'

Carpenter

'My first one is obvious making it illegal to ever question me...In that case, it'll be the right for everyone to never question me! Good catch, daddy. Thanks...'