Toolbox Tyrant T-Shirts

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

Guide to Carpentry Fish

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

"Okay guys you have your assignments. Let's get cracking!"

Paint/Paint Remover, Glue/Glue Remover...

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

"No screen time means more scream time."

Executive fitness.

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"

'No breakfast until you're finished making your bed, Joey.'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

'Wow! I'm trying to fix my glasses with contact solution instead of super glue!'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

"You've given me quite a turn. . . !"

"It's good he has only simple tools. He usually gives up before he does much damage."

Workmen Lifting.

"My solicitor tells me I have grounds for a divorce. You're a control freak."

Nail and Hammer

Woman sees towels with 'Mine' on all of them

"What a rip-off."

'Don't change the channel.'

"Then they revoked his hunting license!"

'My first one is obvious making it illegal to ever question me...In that case, it'll be the right for everyone to never question me! Good catch, daddy. Thanks...'

Carpenter

'I hit my thumb with a hammer.' - 'Well, it wouldn't happen if you hold the hammer with both hands.'

'It's going to be all right, sir. Just slow down and tell me how long you've been lost.'