Towel Tyrant Pillows

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

Woman sees towels with 'Mine' on all of them

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"No screen time means more scream time."

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

Executive fitness.

"Last chance — where’s the wet food?"

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Damn the Germans got here first!"

"My solicitor tells me I have grounds for a divorce. You're a control freak."

"Then they revoked his hunting license!"

'Don't change the channel.'

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

'My first one is obvious making it illegal to ever question me...In that case, it'll be the right for everyone to never question me! Good catch, daddy. Thanks...'

Slacker Husband

"Not eating right? But I haven't spilled a thing."

"Don't think being an evil overlord is all fun and games."

"Decrees are old fashioned. I now rule by tweets."

"I can't believe we're going to toilet-paper Sylvia Sanchez's house!"

"If our kids can figure out phones and computers, why can't they learn t use a towel more than once?"

Hoard

"Okay! I'll clean my room....but we both know I'll just mess it up again!"

'Get in there and clean up your room!'

Telephone being thrown from a window in frustration

Levy voted down by voters.