Toy Time Tyrant Pillows

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

Upper class child with toy cruise ship.

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

Acme Toys Ltd

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

'I am constantly diversifying my toy portfolio.'

I don't trust banks. I keep some of my money right here. It's prudent to have a financial cushion.

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

"No screen time means more scream time."

"Hmmm....not bad. What about liquid assets?"

Executive fitness.

Old man plays golf, supported by his caddy and paramedic.

"I'm sure you want little Jimmy to have a complete set of 'Muscular Heroes of the Cosmos,' now, don't you, Mr. Bennett?"

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

"Large destroyer on the horizon, captain."

"Your idea of ankle monitors for the entire kingdom is not polling well, sire!"

There Are More Things To Life Than Golf...But I Ignore Them. There are more things to life than golf...but I ignore them.

"Then they revoked his hunting license!"

Woman sees towels with 'Mine' on all of them

'Don't change the channel.'

"My solicitor tells me I have grounds for a divorce. You're a control freak."

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'

'My first one is obvious making it illegal to ever question me...In that case, it'll be the right for everyone to never question me! Good catch, daddy. Thanks...'

'Call the shrink. Herold's experiencing his first case of rug rage!'

'Without an increase in my allowance, I'll never be able to pay for the addition on my toy box.'

Slacker Husband

"Not eating right? But I haven't spilled a thing."

"Don't think being an evil overlord is all fun and games."

'Is this the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

"Okay! I'll clean my room....but we both know I'll just mess it up again!"