Tv Tyrant Pillows

'Don't change the channel.'

Slacker Husband

"My solicitor tells me I have grounds for a divorce. You're a control freak."

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

I don't trust banks. I keep some of my money right here. It's prudent to have a financial cushion.

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

"No screen time means more scream time."

Executive fitness.

"Last chance — where’s the wet food?"

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Your idea of ankle monitors for the entire kingdom is not polling well, sire!"

''Proclaim freedom throughout the land'? - You're kidding, right?'

Woman sees towels with 'Mine' on all of them

"Then they revoked his hunting license!"

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'

'My first one is obvious making it illegal to ever question me...In that case, it'll be the right for everyone to never question me! Good catch, daddy. Thanks...'

"Not eating right? But I haven't spilled a thing."

"Don't think being an evil overlord is all fun and games."

"Decrees are old fashioned. I now rule by tweets."

'Our mother, I'm so pent up with rage I could twitter!'

"Okay! I'll clean my room....but we both know I'll just mess it up again!"

'Get in there and clean up your room!'

Telephone being thrown from a window in frustration

Levy voted down by voters.

'Instead of getting our car fixed, I used the check from the insurance company on something more important...a big-screen TV.'