Tweeting Tyrant Pillows

"Decrees are old fashioned. I now rule by tweets."

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

"These days they prefer to harass me on twitter."

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

Man and bird

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

"No screen time means more scream time."

"I have the new list of approved tweets."

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

"I haven't been in any academic journals but I do get my Tweets re-Tweeted a lot."

'Don't change the channel.'

"My solicitor tells me I have grounds for a divorce. You're a control freak."

"How about putting that in a tweet?"

Woman sees towels with 'Mine' on all of them

A repairman has a small box marked 'Useful Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Screws.'

'My first one is obvious making it illegal to ever question me...In that case, it'll be the right for everyone to never question me! Good catch, daddy. Thanks...'

"To-do list. Item one. Clear up the world's problems masterful tweet."

I Tweet, Therefore I am.

Slacker Husband

"Won't be a moment - I'm just on Twitter insulting someone who insulted me."

"I'm leaving politics so I can spend more quality tweeting-time with my family."

Tweeter's Block

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but tweets will never hurt me."

"Will you please stop fighting my Twitter battles for me."

'Before I pass sentence, have you anything to tweet?'