Tongue-in-cheek Dieter Gifts

'The little woman hide the remote control, and I've lost ten pounds looking for it!'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

"You're suffering from an overdose of food."

"I'm sorry you decided to leave us! I will really miss your wife at our company parties!"

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

No wonder I feel so bloated. They said this was No. Cal.'

'If it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it's a genetically modified potato.'

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

"The clouds of heaven have a load limit of 65 KG! Everyone over the load limit sinks down to Hell! 65,3 KG! You should not have eaten that last cake!"

"All our vegetables are well done. It's a return to the old values."

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

"Don’t you dare talk to your father in all caps young lady!"

Weight Watchers: StOUT and thIN Desk Organizers

"I bought a metric scale. I'll no longer be disappointed with my weight because I won't know what it means."

'I don't mind pigging out as long as it's not on empty calories.'

'With a grin like that you can't be sticking to your diet'

Weight loss clinic, in and out doors.

Fantasy Diet League

'Fancy a liquid lunch?'

"Don't worry, I shall be putting an exclamation mark after it."

'You're right. I should watch what I eat. From now on, I'll leave the refrigerator door open so the light shines on my midnight snack.'

'I'm on three different diets. That way I get to eat more.'

'Get with it, Ralph! Trophies are meaningless, when everyone gets one!'