Tongue-in-cheek Foodie Gifts

'If it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it's a genetically modified potato.'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'I'll have the Chairman-of-the-board Lunch, and Dexter here will have the Sissy's Salad.'

"Mom, what kind of soup do we eat when we're sick?"

Ranch Dressing

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

Mom's Diner: I do and do and do for you and what thanks do I get? How about your business? Is that too much to ask?

'The store was out of bread, so instead I bought bagels.'

Salvador Deli

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"Our special today? Hot wings!!"

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

"Trust you to pick a restaurant that serves indigestion tablets rather than after dinner mints."

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

"Oh, no thank you. I’m rumaki-free."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

'Surgeon General's warning on junk food! Lighten up a little!'

"You're right in berating me, ma'am, as I personally decided the price of each entree..."

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

'Brace yourself, dear. The doctor says I'm allergic to lousy cooking.'

"You all here? Sonny Primero? Big Guiseppe? Carmine? Al Fresco? Wait, where's Al Fresco?" "He's outside."

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

"....My wife and I are strict humanitarians."