Tomb Raider Humorist Gifts

'Behold! The curse of the pharaoh!'

Cat in a tank...

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Japanese Whaling

Well yes, I am a Blue Whale, but that doesn't mean I'm depressed...

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

'It was this big. I swear'

Pirates at the mall.

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

French Army knife

'Does my bum look big in this?'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

'...and this is the Mess.'

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

"Did you call for a Medic?"

Brad Pitt.

A Semicolon.

'At last! Some decent kit.'

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health for a full 13 episodes...?

Jennifer Lawrence

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

At a Country House

Banting in the Yeomanry

'I got one this small.'

'THINGMY ON THE PORT BOW!! You know, what's it called? Long and pointy... Very fast... TORPEDO ON THE PORT BOW!!'

"Whoever made fun of my hat better step forward now, or I'll turn this march around!"

Fisherman tricks a visitor into thinking a huge buoy is a fishing float for giant fish.

"Ah, sweatpants."

'Thank goodness you're here!'

So, how are you planning on eating that?

Only Percy seemed happy that the Titanic was taking on water.