Battlefield Humorist Gifts

"I've known worse, I used to use the Northern Line."

Cat in a tank...

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

'At ease, soldier.'

After defeating terror, George and his friends declare war on mild irritation and clouds.

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

French Army knife

"Did you call for a Medic?"

'...and this is the Mess.'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

'M.O.D. find budget replacement for the Fleet Air arm.'

Tank driver wielding a slingshot.

'At last! Some decent kit.'

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

Banting in the Yeomanry

At a Country House

Your Country Needs MOO!

"Three more classes and I get my belt."

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

General's Coin Toss

'THINGMY ON THE PORT BOW!! You know, what's it called? Long and pointy... Very fast... TORPEDO ON THE PORT BOW!!'

"Bad news Darling, I'm going to be posted abroad"

The Emperor of Irony

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Recruit Depot - Barber. That barber is fast! He knows a short-cut!

"Whoever made fun of my hat better step forward now, or I'll turn this march around!"

The Bengal Lancers/Bingo Lancers/Bagel Lancers/Bungle Lancers

'Hamster Swat Team.'

Golf war: 'Fore!'

Beware of the dog.

'I know you didn't just reach through the torpedo tube and grab those fish.'

Peacekeeping?

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'