Battlefield Banter Gifts

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

'Who said the Germans don't have a sense of humour? Just look at that card Hans Greber and we have haven't been shot at all day.'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"I hear it's because we're right and they're wrong."

Your Country Needs MOO!

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

Little Known Historical Fact: After regaining consciousness at the last minute, Davey Crockett's coonskin cap went on to become the Alamo's only survivor.

Recruit Depot - Barber. That barber is fast! He knows a short-cut!

'... Now this releases me from any liability. And this form ...' 'Fred's legal experiences in civilian life interfered with his work in a war zone.'

'I must warn you, I'm an army boxer.'

"What do you think the delivery time is on a drone pizza?"

Military Intelligence - Cross word puzzle instead of medal ribbons.

'Cap'n, why's the enemy fire so accurate after we deployed the smoke screen?'

'Sorry general, but this is a four star restaurant.'

"...and this one is from my wife because I used two squirts of washing up liquid instead of three."

'Down to 43 hit points? ?have you been fighting again?'

Two Men In A Tank.

"Well, if you know of a better military re-enactment club, go to it."

"Daddy doesn't hate the Yankees. Daddy has issues with the Yankees."

"I want to apologize for some of the remarks I made during the heat of battle."

Chess Trainer

Natural bomb

'Watkins you remember I said be prepared for the unexpected.'

'Gimme the remote. I think you got it on slo-mo.'

'Soldier, we don't discuss Murphy's Law and the War on Terror in the same breath around here!'

A Series of Misadventures.

"This is what happens when you have only one kevlar vest for the troops."

"It doesn't get any better than this."

"How long has it BEEN upside down?"

'Try not to dip your shoulder and keep your head in there. Remember, all the great ones go through slumps.'

"We can deal with terrorists and other enemies. The ones who can really kill us are the politicians at home."

Armored Division. This machine has advanced software giving it cutting-edge analytical abilities. It assesses situations and then makes tactical battle decisions. Whisper ... whisper ... whisper. That is kinda funny, Ernie, but say it too loudly. It might conclude you're saying it's a nerd when you call it a "think tank."

"First let me give you my conspectus."