War Room Humorist Gifts

"How long has it BEEN upside down?"

"His first out-of-body experience."

Cat in a tank...

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

'At ease, soldier.'

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

"Did you call for a Medic?"

'...and this is the Mess.'

French Army knife

'Does my bum look big in this?'

'At last! Some decent kit.'

At a Country House

Banting in the Yeomanry

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

Bed Fellow

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

General's Coin Toss

'THINGMY ON THE PORT BOW!! You know, what's it called? Long and pointy... Very fast... TORPEDO ON THE PORT BOW!!'

'Gravity wins - again.'

"The bomb destroys only all life but not object! This means that our troops can have fun plundering and pillaging. War doesn't have to be inhuman, right?"

"Whoever made fun of my hat better step forward now, or I'll turn this march around!"

The Emperor of Irony

US Camouflage School

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

The Bengal Lancers/Bingo Lancers/Bagel Lancers/Bungle Lancers

Golf war: 'Fore!'

Peacekeeping?

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

'President George P. D. Q. ?3 Bush today called for Gulf War VIII'....'

Beware of the dog.

'I know you didn't just reach through the torpedo tube and grab those fish.'

'At the moment, it's only weakness is flypaper.' - (spyplane research dept.)