Title Nitpicker Gifts

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

Musical Web

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Movies through the decades.

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

'In these estimates, I've tried, like always, to err on the side of total lunacy.'

Note to viewers: we've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

"Sorry Mr. Gross, Mr. DeVries, but the firm has decided to go with the earthy, down-home fingerpicking of Ms. Aimee Parker-Grossman."

Music Piracy

"Be like that, but don't forget if it wasn't for me and my buddies, they'd be a whole lot more shit for the likes of you to look at!"

"I've just got back the job description for your new assistant."

"I get paid by the word."

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

The Saxophonist

I love a lazy Sunday. What do we have planned, Dear? Just the usual. Oh yes. What time shall we do it? How about now? Sounds good. I'm ready. One, two, three … You kids get off my lawn! Now let's snuggle. We're not even on your lawn! Quit sassin'!

"Look! The name is Donder! Not Donner! It's Donder! Got it? Good!"

Wonder vend - Eat me, devour me, chew me...

'I think there's something wrong with our navigational system, because judging by the icebergs, I don't think we're in the Caribbean.'

Stuck in the stile.

'It so happens, I think of myself as a C.E.O. first, then as a human being!'

Inland Revenue Complaints Dept.

The Food Free Food Aisle

"Oh god, he's going for the jukebox!"

'Are you SURE they're a good source of potassium?'

Piano player chasing after a lost note

'I'm knitting you a sweater. Do you want it too big or too small?'

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

"Well, if you're sure 7x8 doesn't equal 62, then we'll have to recall 3 million units."

"Believe me, you're not the first guy who tried to impress a date by saying the book was better than the movie not knowing it was never a book."

The Hole in the Litter Picker's Bag.

"He died at the end. There. I've spoiled every story every written."

No One Is Ever Good Enough For Mr. Persnickety

Only 75 calories per serving. 652 servings per package.