Numbers Nitpicker Gifts

Inland Revenue Complaints Dept.

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

Sister to brother: 'It's kind of like alphabet soup, only for numbers crunchers.'

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Damn! McGee's good!'

"I can count to 20...Without taking off my shoes."

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'Honey, the long-run is here!'

Homeless count.

I've managed to get your tax bill down to zero, this year ... however, my bill is $10 million.

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

Tax Cuts Water the Economy.

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

Statistics department with 'You are here (sampling error +/- 4%)'.

'In these estimates, I've tried, like always, to err on the side of total lunacy.'

'Money, money, money, that's the only three things you ever think about.'

'Sir, what's this big once in a lifetime nonnegotiable deduction?'

'In, out, fiddling.'

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

Three steps to turn around the economy.

'Good Heavens, you're right - money IS everything!'