Nail-biting Nitpicker Gifts

'That's what happens when you bite your nails.'

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

'If you don't stop biting your nails, you're going to ruin your teeth.'

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'In these estimates, I've tried, like always, to err on the side of total lunacy.'

Reality home-improvement show.

The Job Interview

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

"Look! The name is Donder! Not Donner! It's Donder! Got it? Good!"

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

Wonder vend - Eat me, devour me, chew me...

I love a lazy Sunday. What do we have planned, Dear? Just the usual. Oh yes. What time shall we do it? How about now? Sounds good. I'm ready. One, two, three … You kids get off my lawn! Now let's snuggle. We're not even on your lawn! Quit sassin'!

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

'I think there's something wrong with our navigational system, because judging by the icebergs, I don't think we're in the Caribbean.'

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

Carpenter.

'Second childhood menu, please!'

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'

"I miss indoor dining"

Inland Revenue Complaints Dept.

The Food Free Food Aisle

"Things are looking grim Jenkins, get someone in to start chewing my nails for me."

Book Burp

'Are you SURE they're a good source of potassium?'

"Fidget spinners, bubble poppers... I'm old school. I just bite my nails."

'I miss our old fashioned candlelight dinners.'

"Well, if you're sure 7x8 doesn't equal 62, then we'll have to recall 3 million units."

"Believe me, you're not the first guy who tried to impress a date by saying the book was better than the movie not knowing it was never a book."

Although he had interviewed lots of applicants who were nail-biters, this guy was by far the most annoying.