Numerical Nitpicker Gifts

"Well, if you're sure 7x8 doesn't equal 62, then we'll have to recall 3 million units."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

Homeless count.

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'In these estimates, I've tried, like always, to err on the side of total lunacy.'

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'Sorry - those figures aren't part of the equation. They're my lottery numbers.'

Couple with confusing pamphlets

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

Wonder vend - Eat me, devour me, chew me...

"Look! The name is Donder! Not Donner! It's Donder! Got it? Good!"

'I think there's something wrong with our navigational system, because judging by the icebergs, I don't think we're in the Caribbean.'

Accountant counting falling snowflakes.

'I tried to call the math hotline, but predictably, I got the wrong number.'

"We're not so different, you and I."

'I knew insects wouldn't take over the world...numbers will!'

'It's been a rough quarter, but to improve customer satisfaction we're sending out a pair of these rose-colored glasses with each financial statement.'

'Next on the agenda...we need to discuss the club's inability to attract new members..."

Turned out to be a not-so-lucky bottle cap.

Inland Revenue Complaints Dept.

Accounting: Fiction and Non-Fiction.

The Food Free Food Aisle

'Stocks shot up on news that no-one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

"Will you help me round up my 38 sheep?" Yes, 40.

'Are you SURE they're a good source of potassium?'

"We keep Frank around, because if there's a power failure he's the only one who can do anything."

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

"Believe me, you're not the first guy who tried to impress a date by saying the book was better than the movie not knowing it was never a book."