Numerical Nitpicker Gifts

"Well, if you're sure 7x8 doesn't equal 62, then we'll have to recall 3 million units."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

Homeless count.

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'In these estimates, I've tried, like always, to err on the side of total lunacy.'

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'Sorry - those figures aren't part of the equation. They're my lottery numbers.'

Wonder vend - Eat me, devour me, chew me...

"Look! The name is Donder! Not Donner! It's Donder! Got it? Good!"

I love a lazy Sunday. What do we have planned, Dear? Just the usual. Oh yes. What time shall we do it? How about now? Sounds good. I'm ready. One, two, three … You kids get off my lawn! Now let's snuggle. We're not even on your lawn! Quit sassin'!

G.P.S. for Poor Math Students

Couple with confusing pamphlets

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

'I think there's something wrong with our navigational system, because judging by the icebergs, I don't think we're in the Caribbean.'

Accountant counting falling snowflakes.

'I knew insects wouldn't take over the world...numbers will!'

'I tried to call the math hotline, but predictably, I got the wrong number.'

"We're not so different, you and I."

'It's been a rough quarter, but to improve customer satisfaction we're sending out a pair of these rose-colored glasses with each financial statement.'

Turned out to be a not-so-lucky bottle cap.

'Next on the agenda...we need to discuss the club's inability to attract new members..."

The Food Free Food Aisle

Inland Revenue Complaints Dept.

Accounting: Fiction and Non-Fiction.

'Stocks shot up on news that no-one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'Are you SURE they're a good source of potassium?'

"Will you help me round up my 38 sheep?" Yes, 40.

"We keep Frank around, because if there's a power failure he's the only one who can do anything."

"Believe me, you're not the first guy who tried to impress a date by saying the book was better than the movie not knowing it was never a book."

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'