Neighborly Nitpicker Gifts

I love a lazy Sunday. What do we have planned, Dear? Just the usual. Oh yes. What time shall we do it? How about now? Sounds good. I'm ready. One, two, three … You kids get off my lawn! Now let's snuggle. We're not even on your lawn! Quit sassin'!

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'In these estimates, I've tried, like always, to err on the side of total lunacy.'

'Beware of the Dog poo'

This is Bad Feng Shui!

Wonder vend - Eat me, devour me, chew me...

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"Look! The name is Donder! Not Donner! It's Donder! Got it? Good!"

'I think there's something wrong with our navigational system, because judging by the icebergs, I don't think we're in the Caribbean.'

It's a nice place to live, except for the nosy neighbors.

"That 'Love thy neighbor' part, does that include cats?"

Inland Revenue Complaints Dept.

"The people upstairs are talking about us. We should bark them another opera."

The Food Free Food Aisle

'Why is their grass always greener than ours?'

The Organ Grinding Nuisance Pt. 2

"I always thought it was over the fence gossip, not insider trading."

'Are you SURE they're a good source of potassium?'

'We just stopped by to say hello.'

"I liked it better when we kept up with the Jones's instead of looking down on them."

'It's the dog next door for you!'

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

"That family up the road who you're always trying to keep up with - she's left him."

'Doctor, I couldn't see my neighbour properly today...'

As luck would have it, the Lafontants and the Murrays found each other endlessly fascinating.

"Well, if you're sure 7x8 doesn't equal 62, then we'll have to recall 3 million units."

"Believe me, you're not the first guy who tried to impress a date by saying the book was better than the movie not knowing it was never a book."

No One Is Ever Good Enough For Mr. Persnickety

"He died at the end. There. I've spoiled every story every written."

Only 75 calories per serving. 652 servings per package.

"It's Jason from next door. Do we want to buy the transcript of last night's argument?"