Narrative Nitpicker Gifts

"He died at the end. There. I've spoiled every story every written."

"Believe me, you're not the first guy who tried to impress a date by saying the book was better than the movie not knowing it was never a book."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Characters jumping out of a book.

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'I'm not being punished! I'm reading because I happen to enjoy reading!'

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"I feel that I have at least one more unpublished novel in me."

'Is this your first book launch?'

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"I'm after the history section."

"It all happened so fast. 'Notable Book of the Year' to the remainder shelves to HERE in just six months!"

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."