Nutritional Nitpicker Gifts

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

Bad for you but to die for

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

Well, you'd better learn to like them!

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

Adam and Eve - Food scares

Shrink

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'In these estimates, I've tried, like always, to err on the side of total lunacy.'

"Eating junk food may make you feel young at heart, but it isn't making your heart feel young."

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

"If this food is healthy, then what about the rest of the store?"

'Have you been eating right?'

'When you put on a new nicotene patch you're supposed to take the old ones off!'

"I'm starting a new diet today. Let's go out for ice cream to celebrate."

"What do you have that's rich in antioxidants?"

"You must cut down on your smoking."

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

"Look! The name is Donder! Not Donner! It's Donder! Got it? Good!"

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

I love a lazy Sunday. What do we have planned, Dear? Just the usual. Oh yes. What time shall we do it? How about now? Sounds good. I'm ready. One, two, three … You kids get off my lawn! Now let's snuggle. We're not even on your lawn! Quit sassin'!

'You're fat. I'm putting you on a diet.'

Wonder vend - Eat me, devour me, chew me...

'I think there's something wrong with our navigational system, because judging by the icebergs, I don't think we're in the Caribbean.'

Easy to follow diet plan.

'Dear, if the GPS can't find your nutritional yeast flakes, how can I?'

'I'll only have one pack of nicotene patches this week. My mate's supposed to be getting me some cheaper ones from abroad.'

No smoking initiative.

Food Formerly Sold As Milk/Food Formerly Made with Sugar/Food Formerly Known as Meat/Food Former Fried.