Nutrition Nitpicker Gifts

Only 75 calories per serving. 652 servings per package.

"We wish you gave us enough sense to avoid all this cholesterol, salt and all these additives."

'Are you SURE they're a good source of potassium?'

Wonder vend - Eat me, devour me, chew me...

The Food Free Food Aisle

Bad for you but to die for

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

Well, you'd better learn to like them!

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

Shrink

Adam and Eve - Food scares

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'In these estimates, I've tried, like always, to err on the side of total lunacy.'

"Eating junk food may make you feel young at heart, but it isn't making your heart feel young."

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

'Have you been eating right?'

'Stay tuned for a surprising new health study regarding...'

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

'Do you want a fright with that?'

"What do you have that's rich in antioxidants?"

"I'm starting a new diet today. Let's go out for ice cream to celebrate."

Lack of Nutrition Information

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

'You're fat. I'm putting you on a diet.'

I love a lazy Sunday. What do we have planned, Dear? Just the usual. Oh yes. What time shall we do it? How about now? Sounds good. I'm ready. One, two, three … You kids get off my lawn! Now let's snuggle. We're not even on your lawn! Quit sassin'!

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

As soon as the diet ends the lost weight returns.

"Look! The name is Donder! Not Donner! It's Donder! Got it? Good!"

Easy to follow diet plan.

'Dear, if the GPS can't find your nutritional yeast flakes, how can I?'