Tire Salesman Gifts

Driver to tire salesman: 'I drive on a lot of rough roads. How much to pave the tires?'

Larry's used art

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"I'd like a new tire for my 1976 Chevy Chevette."

"As you can hear, it has an engine that purrs ... '

'I said they're good, but expensive.'

Mister Pretty Shoes

'It seats two comfortably.'

"It's ideal for the man who works close to home."

'Sorry, that was before the fed raised the interest rates.'

"In layman's terms, it's £12,750."

It's great for pulling the birds!

Mohammad's motors

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

'God's speed.'

'It's too cheap, can I haggle you up?'

'Do you have any of those cars with 'My Child Is An Honor Student' bumper stickers on them?'

"An enormous amount of advanced engineering has gone into our latest models. That's not to say, of course, that an enormous amount of advanced engineering hasn't always gone into all our models."

'Those are all highway miles. The previous owner was a pharmaceutical sales rep.'

'It's exactly what I need to drive our only child to school at the end of the road.'

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

"This electric car is environmentally friendly and will bring your family closer together."

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"This baby gets such horrible miles per gallon, you actually save on gas because nobody can afford to drive it!"

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

"It goes from the factory to us in $29,500."

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

'I need a lot of trunk space.'

'How about a nice saloon?'

'And here's the toolkit.'

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

"Don't mix this up...I want a car with a moonroof. He wants one with a sunroof."

"Do you have a shoe for roaming and prowling?"

"We can now shop for, purchase and crash our new car online."