Therapeutic Diner Enthusiast Gifts

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Who gets the decaf?'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'How would you like your toast?'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

Choice hellhole

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

"A votre sante!"

"Sorry Sir, but what exactly were you expecting to be served when you ordered the 'early bird special'."

"The usual."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'