The Helpful Kid Gifts

"Can you help me cross the road, please?"

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

Jr. cloning kit

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Does sports trivia count as something I learned today?'

"It's a mobile."

'Hey Mister Petrie, what's the world's record for tennis balls in a retriever's mouth?'

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'Your report card grades are poor. Maybe you should stop building model airplanes. The glue is getting to you.'

I think he knows something that we don't know about the uranium molecule.

'Think, son! What was that formula you fed that tree?!'

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'Have you googled me to see how old I was when I was born?'

'Would it make a difference if I told you I was listening to book on audio?'

'Your stork story got me to thinking, Dad -- wouldn't it be simpler if people just did it like dogs and cats do?'

"Reverend, if we're born again in Jesus...do we get another belly button?"

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Max really likes those genetic markers.'

'As a kid I was always taking things apart...so, anyway, that's when my parents stopped getting me pets.'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

'I was cleaning my catapult and it went off.'

'Let's see, here we have the first results from of the brain scanner...'

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

Boy flying boxed kite with bird's nest in it.

G.P.S. For the Home

'Do you have bottled spring water?'

'I told you this would make a lousy birthday present.'

"I think he's going to be a bus driver - he loves cutting things up."

"What was life really like in the middle ages, Sadie?"

'You're going to have to stay confined to the bunkhouse for a week.'

'Why are you putting laundry soap into the proton anti-matter warp drive engine?'