Telenovela Enthusiast Gifts

"So...you don't like Beanie Babies anymore, you dig wrestling and watch Spanish soap operas?"

THE ULTIMATE HISPANIC TV SHOW!

"Tia Carmen's Bucket List: pulling a 7-day telenovela bender."

"Actions speak louder than words...so por favor, mija...get up, walk to the TV and turn up the volume on my novela."

When Tia Carmen says... "This is the most important day of my life!" it means...the final episode of her favorite telenovela airs on TV.

"Attention shoppers...due to a scheduling conflict...the role of telenovela star Victor Guerrero is being played today by assistant produce manager Billy Joe Quiggle!"

When Tia Carmen says... "It is not only what we do that we are held responsible for, but also for what we do not do." it means...she's writing to the network asking that they not kill off her favorite telenovela character.

"I'm glad everyone is here! It's important that we keep these traditions alive...being together, sharing company, sharing love. The holidays are about the specialness..."

"Que crazy! All these 'reality tv' shows are so phony! People fighting...calling each other names...making enemies! Why can't they be more realistic...like the characters on my telenovela!"

When Tia Carmen says... "Oh my god, no!" she really means... "They killed off my favorite telenovela character!"

"It looks like the only time I can fitness walk is at 7 pm...when my favorite telenovela starts..."

"Our telenovela will return after a word from our sponsor."

"Between my wrestling show and your telenovela we got a pretty good program!"

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Television Readers.

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

"I find that hugely offensive!"

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

"I know! Two years without anymore Game Of Thrones?"