Watching Telenovelas Gifts

"Maybe getting Carmen to give them Spanish lessons was a bad idea."

"Tia Carmen, your telenovelas are so crazy."

"Que crazy! All these 'reality tv' shows are so phony! People fighting...calling each other names...making enemies! Why can't they be more realistic...like the characters on my telenovela!"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"They grow up so fast."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Television Readers.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Lazy Octopus

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'There's nothing on.'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Time Machine Collision