Telegraph Clerk Gifts

Woman wanting to send a telegram.

Man in the Post Office.

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

'Please put that confusing mess of documents, files and folders where it belongs...in your computer.'

'The job calls for a little filing now and then...'

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

"I'm Necessity and this is my son, Invention."

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

"Who's the idiot who filed Phil under F?"

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

"Hey, Al! What do you know about shelf life?"

University Book Store.

A man sitting in the grass reading

Cat and INOUT boxes.

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

"Of course it sends your message digitally. If you want analogue we'll have to saddle up old Bessie."

"Have a nice day harvesting data, honey."

Post Office: Why Not E-Mail It?

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

"He's a loose cannon with nothing left to lose, but he's the best damn file clerk I've ever seen."

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'..Can I interest you in our new fragrance - 'Are''

File room: A subsidiary of the black hole of the universe

'Does my posterior appear oversized in this?'

"Would you really want to read a book by a comedian that didn't have wide margins?"

"Do you have any why-to books?"

Remorse code