Telegrapher Gifts

Ow, my finger is really sore. Stop. How about yours? Over.

"Straight texting is fine but the upload time for graphics files is ridiculous."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

"Miss Duxbury, put me through to someone."

'My ring-tone's inaudible to humans.'

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

"We've been cancelled."

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

"Der, dad. . . it's wireless!"

Do your emails stand out from the rest?

'What does the internet have against my people?'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

'Yes, we can get all this into your ad, but we'll have to set the copy in 0.00005 point type.'

Francis Picabia

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs

Networking

"We've induced the stem cells to grow into a fully functional, organically embedded communication device. We're calling it a 'cell phone'."

"Of course it sends your message digitally. If you want analogue we'll have to saddle up old Bessie."

The first transatlantic communication.

"Oh, it's not just the sign. Everything here is set in Comic Sans."

'Jack, I'm on a conference call right now.'

"You get the feeling that it's trying to communicate with us."

The origins of bullet points.

'It's a nice font but before deciding we'd really like to see your font library.'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

My Mom texted me to let me know she hates all the fonts she saw this week.

"Yeah. Ever see those cell phone towers that look like trees?" "Dude. That beak..."

I've given up on my youthful dreams of having a big income, a big house and a big car. At this point, I've settled for having a BIG FONT.

Ignore that guy - He thinks he deserves attention because he's italicized. I.

No, I don't have roaming service, I am the roaming service.

The most important part of your job application. Font selection.