Telegraph Tinkerer Gifts

Remorse code

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robot Parts $5

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

The Computer Bore

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"Lemme know when you’re ready to howl at it."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Drool Marks

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

Early cyborg.

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

The Not-So Smart Meter

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

Gadget geek.

Digital Fomo!

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

Bicycle sat nav.

"No, it's not a bug. Since you keep losing you phone, I purchased you a phone-locating drone."

Congratulations on your retirement!

"The man who invented autocorrect died from the corona vibrator."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Fixing the Computer.

"I'm not sheltering at home, I'm an artist in residence!"