Telecom Tinkerer Gifts

You get one phone call, two e-mails, three text messages or four instant messages.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robot Parts $5

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

The Computer Bore

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

Drool Marks

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

Early cyborg.

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

Mouse in a hamster wheel.

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

Gadget geek.

The Not-So Smart Meter

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

Bicycle sat nav.

"The man who invented autocorrect died from the corona vibrator."

Congratulations on your retirement!

"No, it's not a bug. Since you keep losing you phone, I purchased you a phone-locating drone."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'