Railway Clerk Gifts

An officer purchasing a train ticket

"Useless information"

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

Fragile stamper.

"Where can I find the lefts?"

'This Mouse is going to be huge!'

Latest Railway Marvel.

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

The next fast train has gone.

An old gentleman speaking with a shoeblack at a train station

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

Post Office: Why Not E-Mail It?

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

"We apologise for the late arrival of the ten-eighteen..."

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Coupler Counselling

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Train Driver Dad's Bedtime Story

"Please mind the gap between the train timetable and reality."

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

"Conjoined twins were born in a bed on a passenger train. They were separated at berth."

Personnel. You did high-tech work in this railroad job? It was a part-time position --- I was a semi-conductor.

'It's so called because I expect the ticket prices to rocket!'

Pound sign on rail tracks.

"I should have know he was a control freak when he seduced me in his signal box."

"Someday this is gonna be a sick bike path."

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

"We utterly condemn the striking railway workers for punishing the people of Great Britain. . . that's our job. . .!"

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

'Nice job, Harold, you finally found me a nice quiet nesting place.'

'We apologise for the late arrival of the 9.38 to...'

Grocery store has no data team to help with customer's shopping experience.

Hello National Rail Enquiries.. mystic meg speaking.."

"If you want proof of postage, just ask."