Railway Staff Gifts

A dilemma at a train station.

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Packed like sardines

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Busy office.

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

Brainstorm in progress.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

Targets.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Sales.

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'