Telecommunications Technician Gifts

'Who are you calling 'oldtimer', sonny?!'

"What good does it do to send signals to someone who just scrambles them?"

Before we can bring you ocean sounds, our business office will bill you for wireless roaming charges.

"I can't hear the dial tone."

'We won't have wireless until 2015, but we've made available a pay phone with a three-mile cord.'

'Hi. You ordered wireless internet, a phone landline and digital TV. I'm going to live with you until I'm satisfied it's up and running.'

Aerial Birds.

"It's more of a conversation piece, really."

"We're literally standing next to the satellite, and I still can't get a signal!"

Auto Dialer

"Barnes kept complaining about having no cell service in his cubicle. Apparently, he took matters into his own hands."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"Miss Duxbury, put me through to someone."

'My ring-tone's inaudible to humans.'

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

"We've been cancelled."

Data From a Truck

'Yeah, you have lips like Mick Jagger ... ok, back to the teleconference.'

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

"Der, dad. . . it's wireless!"

'What does the internet have against my people?'

"We think your telephone is a great invention, Mr Bell, but is a bit basic. How about adding a phonograph to it?"

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

Do your emails stand out from the rest?

'Your plasma screen TV needs a transfusion.'

'The boss said things have to improve or my job is going to run out of minutes.'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

Networking

'It's engaged.'

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs

"We've induced the stem cells to grow into a fully functional, organically embedded communication device. We're calling it a 'cell phone'."

The first transatlantic communication.

"Come in, Wilson. I've traded my phone for some booze. Just another unexpected consequence of the breakup of AT&T."