Teen Cynic Gifts

"We're getting way too old for this place."

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

Famous Oxymorons...

And they lived happily ever after for a few years until the quirks they found so cute in each other when they were dating eventually drove them both insane the end.

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

'You're too big to fail and be fired, but too small to move up to the job you'd like'

Will Self deprecation

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

Obama builds own gallows.

Jones, Needham, Pinkner, Fortney - Just doing their jobs.

'I go to college -- What do you do for a living?'

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

Sadie, I don't want you to stay in this relationship just because it's convenient. I think the counselor would agree. Counseling $10. Wow. Of course. Counselors never tell you what they think. I think we're overpaying.

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'That's it?'

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

'According to the voice-stress analyzer, he's not going to lower taxes.'

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

'It's a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing...and that wraps up today's news...'

'I hate my boss!...'

"...and, if elected, I promise never to tell another lie...oh, there I go again!"