Nature Cynic Gifts

Aurora Boring Alice.

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

The Forever Stamp

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

Will Self deprecation

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

Sadie, I don't want you to stay in this relationship just because it's convenient. I think the counselor would agree. Counseling $10. Wow. Of course. Counselors never tell you what they think. I think we're overpaying.

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."