Nature Cynic Pillows

Aurora Boring Alice.

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

The Forever Stamp

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

Will Self deprecation

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'